Where You Lead Me

I stopped following my dreams, and I’ve started following Jesus, and my dreams followed me.

unkown

Here I sit, feeling like I’ve come full circle. From the time I first came to Christ, as a young woman, lost, broken and without hope…I was drawn to this scripture in Luke 7:37

37When a sinful woman from that town learned that Jesus was dining there, she brought an alabaster jar of perfume. 38As she stood behind Him at His feet weeping, she began to wet His feetwith her tears and wipe them with her hair. Thenshe kissed His feet and anointed them with the perfume. 39When the Pharisee who had invited Jesus saw this, he said to himself, “If this man were a prophet, He would know who this is and what kind of woman is touching Him—for she is a sinner!”…

I had felt the touch of the Saviors hand, and my life would never be the same. I had such a desire to be like this woman who worshiped with abandon, wiping Jesus feet with her tears and then anointing them with oil. I remember weeping as I sat in my room and the overpowering Presence of the Lord ministered to me. At that moment, I was overcome with gratitude and thankfulness, and a hunger to minister unto the Lord. He was wooing me and calling me to come up higher.

I also recall during this time, kneeling at the altar after some youth event. Others had come up too, but as I sat there I had a vision of Jesus on the cross, and waves upon waves of His Presence washed over me, and I again wept in awe and thankfulness. It was overpowering, and I felt like I could have stayed there forever. I have had other amazing experiences in the Presence of the Lord over the years since those early years, and yet found myself in these last few years holding on for dear life at times, wondering if, as Peggy Lee sang in her song…’ is that all there is to life.’ As I entered my 60’s, I had begun to look back over my life and I asked God, “What about all those unmet expectations, hopes, desires and dreams that seemed to fade into the shadows of my youth? My love for the Lord, was intact, albeit, I felt dry, and there were still times He made His Presence known in a tangible way, but my passion, my zeal was waning, and I was struggling going forward. I felt I had somehow missed my ‘calling,’ my purpose for living if you will.

I was once asked what my ‘destiny’ was, what my calling was. At the time I wasn’t sure I could answer that question. I was a licensed minister (Christian Worker) and leading worship for a Women’s Bible Study, and for other women’s events (eventually with the help of my husband who is an excellent keyboardist, as well as an Assistant Pastor). We eventually began co-leading worship on Sunday mornings, but then after a few years, due to various life circumstances, I found myself sitting on the shelf; withdrawn, and I hid, struggling with hopelessness. There were many times I asked God, “Can these dry bones live again?” I felt lost and without direction, a foreigner in a strange land and then…

God began to breathe new life, new vision and I began to realize the best was yet to come. I began to step out and the walls that I had so meticulously placed around myself, began to crumble. Sometimes the weights and cares of this world distract and pull us away from our GREATEST CALLING, which is to sit at His Feet and Worship Him. I find myself starting over… getting back to the basics: a place of surrender, repentance, consecration and determination once again. Abba Father, has assured me, the best is yet to come … where He leads me I will follow.

This video is an encouragement and declaration that nothing else matters but God. At the end of the video, a minister quotes, “I stopped following my dreams, and I’ve started following Jesus, and my dreams followed me.” It’s time to lay aside our own preconceived ideas, the things we’ve held onto, the baggage, the old ways of doing things and surrender to the Lover of Our Souls. Nothing else matters but Jesus, His will, and His way. He wants all of our heart, not just a piece.

Nothing Else by Cody Carnes

I submit to you a prophetic word given at one of our Church meetings, going into 2019. It encouraged me more now than it did then, especially as my walls began to crumble. It’s time to Be Still (let go) and KNOW that He is God. It’s time to embrace the new, and let go of the old … So many of us are at a place of transition and change. Be encouraged as we forge ahead…

“A new year is upon you. New days will arise. The old things will pass away. Put this year, 2018, under the blood. Let it go says the Lord. Let go of the good and let go of the bad. Let go of all the setbacks and the disappointments – any hurts- any frustrations! Let it go, says the Lord. Let it go. Look to Me-look up says the Lord. Seek My face and you shall find Me for I have new things for each and every one of you. Old things will not hold you down, but new things will begin to lift you up. My Church is going to rise. My Church- My Church- those that are open and willing – those that will obey me and listen and seek Me- you will arise into new things, says the Lord. New things are on the horizon. Breakthroughs are coming your way. Turn-arounds are taking place- but you have to trust me on a new level, says the Lord. You will have to have not limited thinking, but open your mind to the new things. Open your mind to all possibilities. Open and you shall see it, says the Lord, for My heart is with My people. My heart is to do good things. My heart is bring My Church up and out. So look to Me in these days ahead and see the new things, for I have special things. I have called thee up and I have called thee out. Will you listen? Will you hear? Will you obey? and if you do, you shall see it, says the Lord.”

Transition

Over the last week or two I’ve been struggling to find time to sit down and write a blog. We are in transition right now and when I finally think I have time, something comes up. A lot of things are being put on the back burner or falling through the cracks. I haven’t had time to read blogs or connect with others much, as I’m just a wee bit overwhelmed with life right now (maybe I shouldn’t confess that) but I AM being pulled in many different directions. It’s not all bad, mind you, and God is definitely in the midst of it, answering prayer in miraculous ways.

There are ongoing medical visits for me as I try to get the diabetes back under control, and though I am on an insulin pump, it’s been scary at times, especially at night when my sugars have dropped, and now they are often elevated. I was given an opportunity to have a one week trial of a Dexcom: a Continuous Glucose Monitor which tracks the blood sugar. It will set off an alarm if my sugars go too low, or begin to climb, and it also indicates how fast or slow it is dropping or climbing. I was approved by my insurance company, and my Dexcom arrived a few days ago. On Friday of this week, I am happy to say, I will be getting hooked up, and I am hopeful this will help me to regain some control. The doctor also wants me to have a ‘gastric’ test to see if I have any neuropathy (nerve damage) in the gastric tract, as that could also affect my food and insulin absorbtion. I also, requested that the doctor change my insulin from Humulog  to Novolog, as I began to suspect my body was beginning to resist that particular insulin after years of use.  So, yes, that’s been an on going stress factor in my life, but I’m seeing light at the end of the tunnel. 

The other major transition, and it’s a biggie, is the process and ultimate moving of my precious mother-in-law to assisted living. As of now, we have just found a beautiful, Christian facility. That in itself is a true miracle. I had put her name into a couple of places over a year ago but the waiting list was at least two years, and even then, the fact she would be on Elderly Waiver, meant there were limited spaces available. It did not look like anything would open up. We were working with an organization, looked at two places, and the second place left my husband, myself and my mother-in-law feeling discouraged. In fact, she teared up. 

I had sat in my office earlier that week, and though we were working with a great organization, I had seen Auburn Manor online, and thought to myself, and said out loud to the Lord, ” That would be the perfect place!” I began praying that somehow God would open the doors.  So, against all odds, I wrote them an email. To my surprise, I received an email and a phone call from the manager. I missed the first call, so I called back right away but had to leave a voicemail. The weekend came and went, and on Monday the manager called me again in the morning. I asked him about rooms and the fact LaVera, my mother-in-law, would need to be on Elderly Waiver (government assistance). He says, ” We have two Elderly Waiver openings.” At that point, I could hardly believe it, and asked him if there was a waiting list. He assured me there was none. I knew God was answering not only my prayer, but that of our friends and family! I knew I needed to act quickly, and made an appointment for the next day. LaVera was near tears, and I just felt this overwhelming sense of joy and gratitude towards God. After we met with the manager at Auburn Courts, it was confirmed, this would be LaVeras new home; a place that I am sure she is going to shine bright with the love of God. When I returned home, I called the organization we had been working with, spoke to the owner, Rick, and told him we no longer needed his services, he was very happy for us but shocked at the same time! He said that just a week and a half ago he had talked to Auburn Manor and there were no openings! Honestly folks, this was a miracle, there are less than 50% of assisted living places that take Elderly Waver, and on top of that there are few openings available period! I would say, God’s timing was and is perfect! 

Here is the lovely lady herself, and though it will still be difficult to let go of what was, she knows that God loves her and is working everything out to her good. She can come and go as she pleases (she is still very independent) will have a great community to thrive in, Bible Studies, volunteer opportunities, events, ladies luncheon’s, three meals a day, nursing on staff at all times and more. Truth be told, this is not easy for any of us and I’ve shed a few tears grieving for her, too, but my heart is at peace. ❤ I know hers is too, she slept like a baby for the first time in days that night! I’m so grateful God is with us through this journey called ‘life.’

                                                    LaVera Valle